Support
It takes community to maintain a human.
- Earon Davis
Side Note: This is the one post I wrote while in Florida, but once my treatments started, I never got it posted.
I’ve talked a few times about my health (here, here or here). Today I want, and need, to give thanks to my support system. It’s become obvious this week that I didn’t always know how much I’m relying on my small circle of family and friends.
Right now, I’m in Florida with Saint Husband (“SH”) and staying with my dad. We just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary and now today my dad is driving me to Orlando for my first ketamine infusion. We are staying with my dad all month while I get these ketamine infusions, hoping they will help with my pain. My kids are home taking care of the animals and making sure the house doesn’t burn down. The General is going nuts because she couldn’t be here as she had to stay home with her 13-year-old.
Still, all of them have uprooted their lives to allow me to be down here and take a chance on these treatments. Make no mistake, we are in “hail mary, throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks” territory. I’ve tried everything. For 33 years, life has been difficult living with the list of issues I deal with on a daily basis, but I’ve done it as best I could. I tried the “tried and true” methods. I’ve tried the fancy schmancy, hot off the press, “hardly anyone has done them” methods. I’ve been poked, stuck, lasered, injected, twisted, implanted, explanted (is that the word?), told to try yoga more times than you would believe. Yet, here I am, with a pain level that is currently orbiting Mars — the rover is doing well — so, honestly, I’ll trying just about anything that isn’t life threatening.
When we got here, we met with one of the cannabis doctors to see if I would qualify and if it would help. Plus, it’s our backup plan if the ketamine doesn’t work. He wrote out a FEW of my conditions. He actually said to me, “This is the most conditions one person has that I’ve ever seen.” My first thought was “Well, add that one to the list of doctor statements for the record”, and my second, and the one I said was, “You’re missing some.” He pulls up my file on the computer and he’s like, “Oh, I am,” and starts writing them down the side. Now that is a trophy I want sitting on a shelf next to an Oscar and an Emmy or Golden Globe.
I wasn’t doing well after that appointment. SH practically carried me out. My poor dad, I think I really freaked him out. It’s one thing for him to have seen me only on video chats for the past year and a half, but to now see up close and personal just how bad I am was rough on him. But he’s a trooper and for all his faults from my growing up, he absolutely wants to take care of his girls. I couldn’t have asked for a better host and caregiver to aid Dewayne.
I had a FaceTime with the kids. My two kids, normally quiet, camera shy and full of one-word answers, were both on camera and pleasant. My daughter made sure she brought all the animals over so I could see them. Basically, doing all the things I really needed from them without being asked to do them. It made me feel so good and loved and special. The last being something I don’t feel very often.
My dad has been so wonderful this first week down here. He and my husband have been working together to make life as easy and comfortable as possible for me. Again, making me feel so loved and special.
I know my mom and bonus mom are missing, but they have been rightly home focused on their 13-year-old. Even still, I’m expecting full on “General” behavior as the treatments get going. If she could, she’d be doing more and when we get home, they likely will be.
I am incredibly lucky. I may have missed the proper body setup lines and the beginning of this ride has been as bumpy as a wooden roller coaster, but Kharma is doing its best, I think. It gave me two parents, who granted have their quirks and issues, but more importantly love me and circle the wagon. I’ve been sent the most amazing man who has loved me for over 18 years, even when I didn’t really deserve that love and has given to me so much of himself and asked so little in return.
Finally, I’ve been blessed with two wonderful young adults that call me mom or momma. The one thing I’ve always known I wanted was to be a mom and I couldn’t be prouder than the two I have.
For someone who is in constant pain, can do only one thing per day (go to the bank, see a doctor), for someone who sleeps more than she’s awake because the pain is so exhausting, right now, I feel like the luckiest and most special person on the planet.
